A widow of twenty years and counting affords me a lot of time to observe others in their relationship habitat. Ministering to others can leave me hopeless in the area of lasting love.
I’ve seen friends’ love come and go. Dating, marriage, birth, divorce or death. When you think about it, our choices really are that simple. To say yes to someone and carry on through thick and thin, to honor the other person, or not. One common denominator is the lack of flirtation. We willfully and slothfully accept the familiar.
I guess I have my mother to thank for teaching me the art of flirting and having something other than a ‘fix it’ job to offer a man by way of learning and caring for my own heart, figure and beauty. All of which frees me up to remain the ‘mystery’ that draws a man to begin with. It also frees me up to seduce him with something other than my sex.
A man in my life tells me not only does he love me, but he loves us.
I love the distinction.
I am my own person to learn, to love, to cherish and accept, as is he. But our relationship is another dynamic entirely. How ‘we’ work together is another aspect of life altogether.
I mean, let’s face it, I can like a lot of people, I can even love someone, yet know in my knower that together, we are not good. Our ‘stuff’ aka habits just aren’t compatible.
I regularly tell my daughter that time is on her side. As in, it takes time to know whether you can simply sit in a room with someone and not be bothered by their breathing pattern or the way they snort phlegm up their nose, down their throat and into their body without a single thought to how uncouth that may sound to the person occupying the same space. (I’m triggered just writing those words)
Many of you have carried habits over into your relationships in the name of ‘best friends’ that would have been better reserved for your eyes and ears only. I have another saying “What you do in private, you will inevitably do in public“. I dare you to observe yourself or your SO and tell me I’m wrong.
Manners, the first cousin to flirting and keeping the home fire burning. I’m not talking about being a stuffed stone in your own homes, but I AM suggesting some of you have lost the art of flirting with your SO to your detriment. And if you are still on the market, you should seriously consider what I’m offering you in the way of wisdom and prudence when selecting a mate. Seriously.
I’ll leave you with one last Monicaism.. “How you get em’ is how you gotta keep em’..”
Don’t buy the flowers, open the doors, speak kindly, listen intently, rip his or her clothes off in passion, save your flatulence and fraternity burps for your nose and ears only, if you aren’t up for the long game.
I see more and more sprinters in love and it costs us. Afraid to seek the discipleship needed to keep our home flames burning, we spend 80 million dollars annually on divorce and even,more on healthcare costs due to mental, emotional and physical illnesses directly related to our lack of ability to stoke the fires with what I call my 3 C’s.. Communication, Clarity and Connection. Ultimately, people end up lonely, misunderstood and dying a slow death in silence.
It doesn’t have to be that way. CHOOSE today to take the risk. If you’re in what feels like a lifeless relationship, give the compliment, schedule the family meeting, air the grievances, seek to understand and forgive. Take back the ground you’ve lost in the name of familiarity and FLIRT.
If you are engaged in a new dance with someone, spend more time observing them than demanding they see YOU. Stay true to your personal constitution. Time is on your side.
For you married folks and those of you in long term relationships alike, ask God to rekindle the flames in your life that have become nothing more than a pilot light waiting for some other unsuspecting schmuck. Remember, wherever YOU go, there YOU are.